She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
