my phone needs a breathalizer
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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