the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
