I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
