Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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