That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
