If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I believe in your delicious
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
