I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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