where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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