pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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