ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize