I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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