life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
