haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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