yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
