So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
