we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
