Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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