forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
