ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
