the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think people are normalizing furries
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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