so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
