You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
whose parrot is this?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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