im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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