So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
