return my video game
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
