you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
