dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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