Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
