The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
