I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
