My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
