Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
