if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
