Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
