dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
