the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
