my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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