so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
