Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
