I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize