If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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