worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
