I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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