shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
