i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
