My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
