You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
