i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
