Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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