Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize