hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
