I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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