This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
