dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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