Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
