a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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