Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
