Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
