New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
