Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
