After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need moral support for this bender
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
