Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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