We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
