I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
