what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
