Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
