the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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