I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize