It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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