she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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