like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I need moral support for this bender
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
