it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
